Casting Sean Bean is equivalent to releasing a film with a spoiler in the title, like that movie John Dies at the End , except instead of John it should be Sean, because it’s Sean that dies at the end. Read on, and look forward to the tasty montage video at the bottom of the article, which features each and every Sean Bean death scene. Enjoy!
5. Equilibirum (2002) – Partridge (Sean Bean) knows that Preston (Christian Bale) cannot read, but he chooses to flaunt his cultured ways in the face of the illiterate, gun wielding and borderline psychotic agent. Where does poetry get you eh? DEAD! That’s where.
4. The Island (2005) – Sean Bean’s billionaire cloning tycoon gets just what he deserves from Ewan McGregor’s tormented engineer, and not a moment too soon. ‘Why are you hanging yourself? Why are you hanging yourself?’
3. Black Death (2010) – Pagans don’t like it when Christians wade into their villages, consuming human flesh and blood but insisting that you can’t have sex with trees. Sean Bean pays the highest price for his barbarisms; ropes are tied to each of his limbs before horses yank them from his torso. Black Death? He looks more like the Black Knight to be honest (Monty Python reference).
2. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) – Never has a fallen hero made up for his wrongdoings in such valiantly redeeming fashion. It’s reminiscent of those Banzai Japansese fighters that could allegedly run and fire their guns for up to a minute after being shot to death.
1. The Field (1990) – Death by animal yet again – cows this time. Tadgh McCabe should have mooved out of the way! What an udderly ridiculous way to go! So cheesey! Bullshit, I say. Sorry, really milking it now…
Well, that’s that. In Heinzsight, Bean could have done a runner and survived pretty much all of these, but his kidneys aren’t what they used to be and his legs are like jelly (Bean puns, impossible to resist). Here’s the compilation video, as promised. Sean Bean? More like Sean Beneath the ground! Because he’s dead! And has been buried!