TOP FIVE: Worst trailers for 2014

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If asked, anyone in the movie business will tell you that no one ever sets out to make a bad film. This is not true. Some films are spawned out of hate. They don’t want to tell a story, they don’t even care about the money, they just want to watch the world burn. Watch these trailers at your peril.

5. The Girl He Met Online –  Inane superficiality for the Tumbler generation, this looks awful.

‘He’s really hot. This is from his profile…’  ‘Oh yeah, he is hot!’ Transcendent dialogue…

 

4. The Legend of Hercules –  Anyone who goes up against Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson will be smashed to smithereens upon his Samoan pectorals. The Rock just finished filming a Hercules movie, and for this reason it would be extremely ill-advised to attempt to make a different Hercules movie the same year, let alone one that looks like a Gladiator   add-on for Rome: Total War.

 

3.  Slasher – This is no joke, this is the cutting edge of terrible cinema, and the only thing getting slashed will be the wrists of all those involved once the inevitably damning reviews are published. Its like the producers have actively chosen to eliminate all traces of production value, and it’s a struggle just to get through the two minute trailer let alone.

 

2.  Welcome to the Jungle – From the (lack of) acting to the music to the terrible editing to JCVD’s cheque-driven debasement, this could be biggest all-round waste of time, money and human effort in 2014. Jean Claude Van Dammit!

 

1. Postman Pat: The Movie – Jim Broadbent and David Tenant, what are you doing? This trailer stamps upon the face of humanity with an iron boot, and if there’s a higher power they will guarantee that it becomes a first class flop. No thanks, return to sender!

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