News: The Academy Awards 2014

What you’re about to read is an unedited report on yesterdays Oscars, which did not finish until 5.20am UK time. Movie Quibble was far too tired/unwilling/drunk to actually post it at such an ungodly hour, but it’s here now.

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So, the Oscars are over and done with at last. At the risk of sounding like a hyperbolic shit-spewer, the last year in film has been better than any that Movie Quibble has lived through thus far. There were quality additions in every category, and apart from the stomach-churning omission of James McAvoy’s Filth, the nominations represent this fact.
Eleanor The Generous (aka Ellen DeGeneres) was the host for the 86th. ceremonial handing out of the O shaped Scars, but despite her misleading surname, she was actually rather selfish and kept most of the awards herself. It transpires that she’s planning to melt them down and cast a life-size golden statue in her own likeness – what Ellen doesn’t realise is that the Oscar is comprised mostly of bronze; the gold coating is millimetre thin and added once the sculpting is complete, and it’s been this way since the start of WWII. I don’t know where I’m going with this.

Before we get on, here’s a quick summary of the big winners: Best film went to 12 Years a Slave, much to everyone’s delight, although producer Brad Pitt was the first to get his hands on the award, which was a little unsavoury. Gravity did remarkably well – nothing new(ton) there – with the awards for best director (Alfonso Cuaron), best cinematography and best visual effects among the seven which fell into its lap. Thespian time now, and no upsets at all. Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey scooped up Best Supporting actor and Best Actor respectively for their turns in Dallas Buyers Club, while overwhelming favourite Lupita Nyong’o was bestowed with the Best Supporting Actress award and Cate Blanchett was named Best Actress for 2014. The Wolf of Wall Street won nothing, and a good thing too.
OK. Without further ado, have a read of the list.

Best Motion Picture

American Hustle
Captain Phillips
Dallas Buyers Club
Gravity
Her
Nebraska
Philomena
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street

Winner: 12 YEARS A SLAVE – HOORAH

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Best Actor

Christian Bale
Bruce Dern
Leonardo DiCaprio
Chiwetel Ejiofor
Matthew McConaughey

Winner: MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY – #ALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHT

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Best Supporting Actor

Barkhad Abdi
Bradley Cooper
Michael Fassbender
Jonah Hill
Jared Leto

Winner: JARED LETO – 30 Seconds to Oscars, more like. Abdi deserved to win, the Academy must be Bark(ad)ing mad!!

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Best Actress

Amy Adams
Cate Blanchett
Sandra Bullock
Judi Dench
Meryl Streep

Winner: CATE BLANCHETT – ‘Amy Adams, your performance in American Hustle blew my mind’. Well it seems as though Blanchette’s performance ‘blue’ the academy’s mind – that’s a play on words, because she was in a film called Blue Jasmine. No bullion for Bullock, who looks quite unwell.

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Best Supporting Actress

Sally Hawkins
Jennifer Lawrence
Lupita Nyong’o
Julia Roberts
June Squibb

Winner: LUPITA NYONG’O – Nyong’o! Nyong’o! Nyong’oooooooo! Great speech.

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Best Animated Feature Film

The Croods
Despicable Me 2
Ernest & Celestine
Frozen
The Wind Rises

Winner: FROZEN – Bit of a flaky win in Movie Quibble’s opinion, but the voters probably snow what they’re doing… #ForgiveMeIt’s3.30am

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Cinematography

The Grandmaster – Philippe le Sourd
Gravity – Emmanuel Lubezki
Inside Llewyn Davis – Bruno Delbonnel
Nebraska – Phedon Papamichael
Prisoners – Roger A. Deakins

Winner: GRAVITY – EMMANUEL LUBEZKI

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Costume Design

American Hustle – Michael Wilkinson
The Grandmaster – William Chang Suk Ping
The Great Gatsby – Catherine Martin
The Invisible Woman – Michael O’Connor
12 Years a Slave – Patricia Norris

Winner: THE GREAT GATSBY – A SUITable choice.

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Best Director

David O. Russell
Alfonso Cuarón
Alexander Payne
Steve McQueen
Martin Scorsese

Winner: ALFONSO CUARON – The Gravity director’s speech was rather long, most people spaced out…

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Best Documentary Feature

The Act of Killing
Cutie and the Boxer
Dirty Wars
The Square
20 Feet from Stardom

Winner: 20 FEET FROM STARDOM

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Best Documentary Short Subject

Cavedigger
Facing Fear
Karama Has No Walls
The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life
Prison Terminal: The Last Days of Private Jack Hall

Winner: THE LADY IN NUMBER 6: MUSIC SAVED MY LIFE – Cave Digger was a strong contender, but the winner was very deserved, so there’s no QUARRIELS here. Quarry. Quarrel. No? No.

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Film Editing

American Hustle
Captain Phillips
Dallas Buyers Club
Gravity
12 Years a Slave

Winner: GRAVITY – They’re taking in Oscars like nobody’s business, they must be over the moon! Well, at least half-way there.

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Best Foreign Language Film

The Broken Circle Breakdown
The Great Beauty
The Hunt
The Missing Picture
Omar

Winner: THE GREAT BEAUTY – Wait, what about The Missing Picture. How can they give out an award when they don’t even know what one of the nominees is?

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Makeup And Hairstyling

Dallas Buyers Club
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
The Lone Ranger

Winner: DALLAS BUYERS CLUB – Method madman McConaughey actually contracted AIDs for this film – that way, less time was spent in the makeup chair and more time on set. He is about to die though.

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Best Original Score

The Book Thief – John Williams
Gravity – Steven Price
Her – William Butler and Owen Pallett
Philomena – Alexandre Desplat
Saving Mr. Banks – Thomas Newman

Winner: STEVEN PRICE – Price may have won, but at what cost?

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Best Original Song

Happy – Despicable Me 2
Let it Go – Frozen
The Moon Song – Her
Ordinary Love – Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Winner: LET IT GO – FROZEN – How Inside Llewyn Davis didn’t get a nomination in this category I just Coen’t understand…

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Production Design

American Hustle
Gravity
The Great Gatsby
Her
12 Years a Slave

Winner: THE GREAT GATSBY – Surely they’ll celebrate with a nice shandy(lier)… because of the large chandeliers that are in the film. Yep. You just read that. It’s 3:51 am. Finished this beer. To the fridge of Khazad Dum!

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Best Animated Short Film

Feral
Get A Horse!
Mr. Hublot
Possessions
Room On The Broom

Winner: MR. HUBLOT – Matt McConaughey feigned shock as he announced the winner, as though he knew anything about the nominees. ”Well sheeet! Hublot? Hublows, more like!” (To clarify, he did not say that).

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Best Live Action Short Film

Aquel No Era Yo (That Wasn’t Me)
Avant Que De Tout Perdre (Just Before Losing Everything)
Helium
Pitääkö Mun Kaikki Hoitaa? (Do I Have To Take Care Of Everything?)
The Voorman Problem

Winner: HELIUM – The winners must have been pleased to get up on stage and receive some AIR time. Oh man.

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Sound Editing

All Is Lost
Captain Phillips
Gravity
The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug
Lone Survivor

Winner: GRAVITY

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Sound Mixing

Captain Phillips
Gravity
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Inside Llewyn Davis
Lone Survivor

Winner: GRAVITY – How does Sound Mixing differ from Sound Editing? Friend, colleague and resident musical technician @adamwtrfld explains: WHEN U DO A MIX IT IS LYK WEN U CHANGE ALL HOW THE DIFFRNT SOUNDS OF THE THING ALL CHANGE IN THE MOVIE FILM! HOWEVER WEN IT IS THT U DO THE EDIT IT IS WEN U CHANGE WEN ALL OF THE NOISE SOUNDS GO IN THE ORDER THT U WANT 4 THE FILM!
Thanks @adamwtrfld!

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Visual Effects

Gravity
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Iron Man 3
The Lone Ranger
Star Trek Into Darkness

Winner: GRAVITY – How the Desolation of Smaug didn’t win is a Mist(er)y. Mountain.

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Adapted Screenplay

Before Midnight – Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke
Captain Phillips – Billy Ray
Philomena – Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope
12 Years a Slave – John Ridley
The Wolf of Wall Street – Terence Winter

Winner: JOHN RIDLEY – 12 YEARS A SLAVE

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Original Screenplay

American Hustle – Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell
Blue Jasmine – Woody Allen
Dallas Buyers Club – Craig Borten and Melisa Wallack
Her – Spike Jonze
Nebraska – Bob Nelson

Winner: HER – SPIKE JONZE

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IT’S OVER. IT’S FINALLY OVER.

Congratulations to all the winners, and the same to YOU, reader, for getting this far. Don’t worry, it’s finished now, and what a remarkably vapid evening’s entertainment it has been. On a serious note though, there were some fantastic films this year and the victors are pretty much all deserving. Of course if there were any justice in the world, the Best Film, Best Actor and Best Director awards would all have gone to Filth, but everyone knows that already, so there’s little to be gained from saying it again.

Ellen DeGeneres was just about passable as the Mistress of Ceremonies, although it is pleasing to say her name aloud. Hopefully the 87th Academy Awards ceremony will have someone with a bit more edge. Bill Murray, perhaps. Or how about rising star Oscar Isaac. OSCAR Isaac. Because of his first name being the same as…
Before you go, check out Movie Quibble’s additional categories, where attendees get awarded imaginary Oscars for things that have no bearing whatsoever on their abilities as film stars/makers.

Best Bit: Kim Novak announcing Frozen as the winner of best animated film, while everyone on Twitter simultaneously jokes that her facial expressions are in a similar condition.

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Best Speech: Lupita Nyong’o’s supporting actress acceptance speech was genuinely inspiring. To Steve McQueen;’You charge everything you fashion with the breath of your own spirit’. Powerful words.

Best Fake Smile: Sandra Bullock – The camera persons had an outright obsession with the Gravity star last night, and she had to defy gravity in order to maintain that grin for four hours straight.

Best Beard: Michael Fassbender.

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Look at the photo. Now look again. Did you spot Will Smith the first time? Thought not. Such is the power of the Fass.

Most Resplendent Human: Yeah, it’s Cate Blanchett.

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Most Sickeningly Self-Congratulatory Moment: Ellen DeGeneres taking a selfie with, and lets try to not leave anyone out here: Bradley Cooper, Meryl Streep, Jennifer Lawrence, Jared Leto, Brad Pitt, Ellen herself(obviously, it’s a selfie), Kevin Spacey, Channing Tatum, Julia Roberts, Lupita Nyong’O. And… some guy. The cheeky chat host said she expected to ‘set the record for the most re-tweets ever’. Apparently she has. Ellen DeGeneres? More like Ellen DeSelf-Absorbed!

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Best Photobomb: John Landis

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Thanks for dropping by!

3 comments

  1. ersikale · · Reply

    Hey dude!! Most of your comments are exactly my stance when it comes to the nominees!
    I am pretty sure that ‘The Great Beauty’ (as great as it may be) was just the Academy’s way of saying ‘You guys know Dolce Vita right? Well, we do. We cool!’ and left ‘The Missing Picture’ and ‘Broken Circle Breakdown’ out. Sometimes you just can’t beat the hipsters!

  2. fabpoller · · Reply

    Hello, Brat Pitt was the first one to get his hands on the oscar because he produced it and the tradition is that the producers get to deliver the speech or at least the first speech when the winner for Best film is announced.
    http://www.wordpress.blinkvision.com
    http://blinkvision.wordpress.com/2014/03/03/end-of-awards-season-a-landmark-win-for-12-years-gravity-gets-7-oscars/

    1. Thanks, I wasn’t aware of the tradition – I guess I was annoyed because McQueen’s the first black director to get an Oscar abd that’s kind of a landmark moment.

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