Scarily Specific Searches – Movie Quibble’s Diverse Readership

Hi, it’s me again, not reviewing films on my film blog again. I’d like to keep the thing active though, so I’m turning my critical creation into its own source of content for over-analysis by delving into the depths of my ‘Site Stats’ to see what crazy demands people have been making of Google (or their country’s equivalent – I get people from Kuwait and Burkina Faso on here), and will attempt to work out why on earth those searches led them to Movie Quibble. I’ve heard of this sort of thing being done before; it’s usually by YouTube channels mocking their mongoloid video commenters, but it works just fine here and gives me the justification I need to let my fingers out for a bit of keyboard pummelling in the prison yard.

Ok, so I’ve trawled through about fourteen months of statistics to find the most amusing search terms I could. If they made me laugh out loud or left me quaking in terror they made it straight onto the list, and there are a couple that had me doing both so that the stalker behind me didn’t think I was onto them. They’ve all been broken down into vaguely logical categories for your difficulty of use. Enjoy.

Sexual Deviants

Unfortunately for you – although probably just as well for my own sanity – any search term that is used via an ‘Incognito’ browsing window comes up as ‘unknown’ on my statistics page. There are over 10,000 of these, and I will never know what they are. Below are the people that don’t yet know about anonymous Googling.

caribbean & gladiator free jizz

goosebump ass

black mirror full sexy movie

film sexy japan

shes hot on him – I bet she is.

word to trigger nymphomaniac – They aren’t dogs, you savage.

giant rocking penis – I’m aware this was probably a search for the Clockwork Orange prop. I hope.

the counselor movie xxx scenes

q’orianka kilcher naked

jack o’connell top off

girl punch ups

nimphomaniac but you’ve fucked thousands of men – Wrong spelling there, mate.

nymphomaniac but you’ve fucked thousands of men – You got it, mate. Ended up on the same web page anyway, though.

punch abdomen

shame movie nofap

santa bang

The Hobbit

Middle-Internet is awash with Tolkienites who, much like myself, absolutely hate the Peter Jackson Hobbit film trilogy. Please sign on to an organ donors list today and help give one of these poor souls their childhood back.

desolation of smaug is a piece of garbage

run time cast of the hobbit desolation of smaug

that feeling after watch tge last sequel of the hobbit 2

is the hobbit desolation of smaug worth seeing

where does smaug fit chronoligically 

the hobbit the desolation of smaug nothing like the book

smaug unleashing – Dragno Unchained?

the desolation of smaug best time to use the restroom

Wild for Wilde

Olivia Wilde is an extremely good actress, and she has by far the largest percentage of Movie Quibble visitors in terms of celebrity name searches.

tron legacy olivia wilde – Sixteen times.

wilde tron – Simple. To the point. Like it.

tron legecy olivia wilde – Searched three times.

olivia wilde tron legacy – Twenty searches.

Understanding = 0%

Even Terry Gilliam has since admitted that his film The Zero Theorem ‘is what it is – a bit like life, really – an experiment’. Ah, now it’s obvious! He purposely made the ending (and basically the entire rest of the film too) mind numbingly ambiguous so as to reflect the insanity of reality and the uncertainty of death. Guess it’s not a jumbled mess after all….

zero theorem ending explained

explain the ending of the zero theorem 

the zero theorem ending

film ending must equal 100%

the zero theorem ending explaination – Sorry bruhs, I have no explainationings to give.

The Curiously Specific Lower Case Internet Search in the Early Morning Time

I understand these people. They aren’t crazy. Just curious.

review of ronda rouseys tattoos on expendables 3

in the wolfman 2010 how did the wolfman get new clothes in london

horror movies tank tops cheap price from $ 2-5 – That’s not gonna be good quality non-shrink cotton dude.

who is the hustle actors first name and goes by the surname warren – Marc.

when helsing movie scene on the death and wolf crying in the night pic

will nosferatu leave you scared at nigh 

Armed and Angry

Just what I like to see in a film fan – a bit of passion.

v for vendetta is bigoted

worst shitty films 2013 to 14 

dallas buyers clubis bullshiit

High as a Mu’fucka

Speak for themselves, these ones.

horror film with guy with binocular glasses

weed pics i’m full but i’m hungry

victory for underdog football team

holiday – commend about this filim

wo.fman with dionisio del toro cast – This one strikes me more as a drunkard. There were many, many, many drunken and misspelled queries in the back catalogue of my blog stats – most of them probably the result of petty disputes about pop culture in bars – but the overwhelming majority were boring and a little bit sad if the truth be told. Don’t these people know what IMDb is?

friday 1995 bowl of cereal

how high is godzilla

Misc.

wampa horns – Twelve searches! Is this a sex thing?

commando arnie father daughter creepy

nerf eleven shooting pot

why is shia labeouf called a cannibal – Here is why. And this.

rebecca hall looks like wiley wiggins – Good call; I thought the very same when I first saw Dazed and Confused.

Let’s have a side by side comparison.

Wiggins1

Hall

Just as I suspected. I. Fuckin. Dentical.

‘Stay Away. Stay Away from Here!’

monkey head soup bowl for sale

information about movies of anglena jolie and tom bruce – Yep. Okay.

insane living filth human waste – Take the money, man. Just, just t-t-t-take it.

Insane Living Filth Human Waste

Insane Living Filth Human Waste Insane living FILTH huMAn WASTE

INSANE LIVING FILTH HUMAN WASTE

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