Rad? Anyone? Because of the way RADS accumulate on the player character due to the hazardous hangover effect of the Great War of 2077, that effect being a large amount of nuclear radiation which, if absorbed and left untreated, results in severe skin rash, hyper nausea, and organ melting. It’s bad.
Fallout 4, the most anticipated game of the year (hell, the last three years) drops in under two weeks as of this writing; detonation date is November 10th. For those of us who’ve been waiting for half a decade and will be bowing out of society in order to stay inside and play the game as if it’s the apocalypse outside, even waiting these few more days is a special form of agony. Meantime, vault dwelling aficionados can only pray on their knees to the superhuman saviour of gaming Todd Howard (bless his name) while endlessly rewatching the Fallout 4 Bethesda E3 conference.
A lot of my energy recently has gone into building hype for Fallout 4, which I intend to play for hundreds of hours and sack off all responsibilities for. With this list of videos, I hope you can get hyped too. Not that you should need any help, because this game is going to be the bomb! Playing it will be a blast! The combat looks explosive! I’m in a real hi-rush-ima to get my hands on it, and once I do I shall Cherish it nob(y)ly….
10. Baseball Bat Fatalities (Just released by Bethesda today!)
In this tantalising clip we see a series of decapitations executed using the maxed out Big League perk, which grants players the ability to unleash critical, uh, strikes which remove the head in one fell swoop. A baseball bat with nails in it appears to be the most effective melee weapon for such a task. Heyy, batter batter batter. Watch it now, it’ll knock your block off.
9. ‘Atom Bomb’ Combat Montage
In this sumptuous Fallout 4 combat showcase, accompanied by the upbeat crooning of the Five Stars’ insensitive ’50s hit ‘Atom Bomb Baby’, various enemies are blown away in all manner of massively violent maelstroms of bloody pain and destruction. One filthy subway tunnel dwelling jet-junkie has his cranium removed at the neck by a high speed propulsion teddy bear. Sweet dreams, chump.
8. Fallout 4 Exploration Gameplay
Explore Fallout’s new world through watching some gameplay, is what this one let’s you do. Almost as good as playing yourself? No, not at all really.
7. Fallout’s Alternate Universe Explained in 5 Minutes
A fascinating (and blissfully succinct) round-up of the historical lore of the Fallout games to date, starting from the beginning of the timeline and working chronologically up until now. If you truly cannot be bothered to watch this short video to find out where it all started and whereabouts the new game will begin, just know that they never got around to making microprocessors in the never ending precarious Cold War utopia of the Fallout world. But they did have an awful lot of vacuum pumps and Frankenstein style re-animated machine brains. While we got Apple, they got nuclear-powered robots that could fetch them an apple. Hope that ions things out for you…
6. MLG Fall0ut 4.20
Hey how’s it going br8s check out dis dank video of new F4llot game it is GOTY 111% plus+ best film + best cinematography + best feminine lead p3rformanc3 at 2016 Nascars ceremony. Out on Ninetendo systaems now m8s (GameCube masterrace)
5. Fallout 4’s Trailer Synched to ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Music
Note the sweet as beat matching during the furniture crafting segment; building a dog house will never be this epic again. Apart from if they ever do a live action Clifford the Big Red Dog movie. That will be one BIG ASS dog house. Try keeping the dog from the front door when Clifford is about. He’ll piss your front door down, friend. And not even on purpose – basic collateral damage whilst marking the ol’ territory. Watch this space for a Clifford the Big Red Dogmeat companion mod for Fallout 4.
4. All Fallout 4 S.P.E.C.I.A.L Cartoons in One Video
All seven of the charming Vault Boy animations by the Bethesda team, which perfectly illustrate the dos and don’ts of the Boston Wasteland. More like the WastedLand, eh? Poor little guy gets steamrolled every time he goes outside. Top tip for surviving the nuclear apocalypse: Do not leave your permanently sealed highly secure self-sustaining underground bunker community.
3. Fallout Goes Minecraft – Todd ‘It Just Works’ Howard (Bless His Name)
As the great man says, “It just works”. Well, Todd, that’s good enough for me. There’s a two year old video somewhere on YouTube of a one-on-one (1v1) interview between Todd Howard (bless his name) and some Nordic guy named Notch, who apparently invented Minecraft. The Bethesda Games director and saviour of all mankind, Todd Howard (bless his name), deigns to complement Notch on his cute little cult game, mentioning that many of his team are fans.
Reading between the lines now that Fallout 4 has been announced and the crafting system revealed, it is clear that what the Blessed Todd was actually saying was, “Our team are incorporating all the best parts of your precious Minecraft building system into Fallout 4, which is currently in production, as a minor mechanic to supplement the main game. Your entire career is a sideline in my latest project, Notch. Fuck you. I bet nobody has even made a montage parody to celebrate your brilliance. Well, there’s one of me.”
2. Todd Howard Gets MLG
That montage parody Todd was holding over Notch’s head in the one above. Thumbs up 4 Fallout 2+2!!
1. The Wanderer Trailer
Let’s close on this rousing live action trailer, which sets the beauty and danger of the New England Wasteland against the wistful misogynist harmonies of Dion’s ‘The Wanderer’. Keep your Pip Boys tuned for more Fallout 4 content, making sure to not die from drinking irradiated toilet water or being savagely torn limb from limb and then put in a sack by gigantic Super Mutants from now until November 10th.
Hype. Hype never changes.