Originally written for NewsThump.com
Rolf Saviloy, an unconvicted paedophile residing in Milton Keynes, has gone on record as not quite understanding everybody’s problem with Woody Allen these days. The 45 year old father of none, who has worked as an ice cream vendor since leaving school, is ‘utterly baffled’ by the sudden public denouncements of the prolific director and his works.
Posting in the comments section of the ‘Woody Allen Forever’ Facebook fan page, Mr. Saviloy voiced his concerns that the auteur’s legacy might be tarnished by his celebrity detractors: “What’s all this bloody nonsense about turning down payment for his films and refusing to work with him? Is he too old now? Is that it? Bloody ageist Hollywood elitists! It makes me sick!”.
“Woody has made some absolute all time classics like ‘Annie Hall’, ‘The Purple Rose of Cairo’, and ‘A Midsummer Night’s Sex Comedy’. And who could forget the sublime ‘Manhattan’? ”, Saviloy wrote on a separate film site which was specifically set up by the #MeToo movement to provide sexual assault victims with an online forum to work through their traumas.
A lifelong diehard fan of Allen, Saviloy refuses to acknowledge that Woody Allen’s relationship with his underage step daughter may have led to this cultural shift of opinion. Sitting on a barstool in the Cock and Rye just off the M1, the out of work ice cream van driver told anyone who’d listen that Allen was a ‘player’ and should be glorified, not vilified. “I mean, look at him, he’s a total heartthrob. In Manhattan he was forty and had a bird under sixteen. Legend!”.
Later that evening, Saviloy invited two men he met round kebab shop back to his for a Roman Polanski marathon.